Dave and Joe go to a bar….

There is no actual term for this sort of an essay apparently. Sonder, Day Dreaming, Maladaptive Day Dreaming, Living Vicariously etc. Although does a vicar need to sign the marriage license never truly occurred to me until I realized anyone could marry anyone else as long as they were licensed to do it. Plumbers, fishermen, psychologists all require a license. Bartenders and school teachers only require an education.

So our main characters having taken apart drug corruption over a couple of Guinness and a healthy amount of not flirting with the bartenders have returned while still wearing their wedding bands. They aren’t mariachi bands exactly, they’re more golden and nowadays some people wear black bands around their ring finger. Our guys are wearing the usual solid gold bands that they sometimes keep fiddling with as if their better half was watching an action movie. It irks Dave quite a bit and Joe knows that.

150 million Joe mumbles under his breath.
What did you say?
Nothing, I said … never mind.
Spit it out you old fart… what’s on that —and Dave pints at Joe’s head — telly of yours?
You think my mind’s a telly do you?
Oh for Chrissakes spit it out man… we’re here at a bar and the silence is deafening.
Yeah
Yeah what?

Silence.

I said Yeah WHAT?
I heard you the first time. No need to yell.
I won't ask again.

Silence.

150 million.
150 million? What do you mean? What’s a 150 million? That’s a shit load of money. You hit the lottery? If you did why you so morose chum?
Oregon.
What?
I said Oregon.
I heard you and I am trying to understand what you mean you old coon.

Silence.

They both takes sips of their Guinness. The beer is as it's meant to be, room temperature.
If you need a beer to be cold before you drink it, then there’s a problem with the beer Dave thinks to himself. He knows Joe enough to know that the Yank will talk when he wants to. Not a moment before.

Do you even know about the wildfires in Oregon?
That’s a state on your West Coast innit, asks Dave.
Yeap, it sure is. It sure is.
And? What about those wildfires?
They’ve grown in size. They were 500K acres. Then 1 million acres. Then 1.5 million acres. Now it’s 2 million acres. Google hasn’t updated yet, says it’s 1.78 million acres.
Yeah okay, that’s a lot of acres. Are the people okay?
According to Google, doing some quick math, its approximately 150 - 170 million trees burned down.
Blimey mate, that’s a lot, I mean a LOT of trees. Are you sure about the number?
Of course not. It’s what Google said.
Can you show me the math, you know, the email you mailed to yourself?
How do you know about that, Joe suddenly perked up and looked at Dave with extremely suspicious eyes.
Calm down laddie, you told me yourself.
When?
Jesus Christ mate, the last time we were here.

Silence again. Joe is frowning at his beer. I don’t remember tell him that…. When was I here last? He has a vague recollection of the bar and he and Dave talking about something. Some other sort of bullshit.

Yeah okay here’s the math.

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Based on standard data from the Oregon Forest Resources Institute and the United States Forest Service (USFS), Oregon's forestland averages about 347 trees per acre. Using this metric alongside the 1.78 million acres burned so far in 2026, we can establish a rough estimate of the total trees affected. [1, 2]

1. Identify Total Forested Acres Burned

Because wildfires burn a mix of dense timberlands, open brush, and grasslands, not every scorched acre is dense forest. To ensure a realistic estimate, we apply historical averages where roughly 50% to 60% of total wildfire acreage impacts actual timberland.

• Total 2026 Burned Land: 1,780,000 acres

• Estimated Timberland Impacted (55%): ~979,000 acres [1]

2. Multiply by Average Tree Density

We apply the USFS Forest Inventory and Analysis baseline data of 347 trees per acre across Oregon forestland:
\(\text{979,000\ acres}\times \text{347\ trees/acre}\approx \text{339,713,000\ trees}\)

3. Account for Fire Severity

Wildfires rarely wipe out 100% of a canopy. They leave behind a mosaic of high, medium, and low-severity burn areas. On average, severe "stand-replacing" burns that outright kill the trees account for about 40% to 50% of the total fire footprint.
\(\text{339.7\ million\ trees}\times \text{45\%\ lethal\ severity}\approx \text{152.8\ million\ trees}\)

✅ Estimated Total

An estimated 150 million to 170 million trees have been killed or severely damaged by Oregon wildfires so far during the 2026 season.

Note: For context, this impacts roughly 1.5% of Oregon's total estimated population of 10.3 billion standing live trees. [1]

If you are interested, I can set up an information agent to track this developing story. This agent can monitor the Northwest Coordination Center and send you an update at the end of the fire season with the finalized acreage totals and adjusted tree loss estimates. Would you like me to set that up?

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That’s a lot of trees.
Yeah.

Silence deepens again.

Man fuck this shit, I am leaving Joe says.
We just got here Joe, calm yourself. What’s it you Yanks say? “Ain’t nothin’ you can do y’all bout it”
Despite himself.. Joe smiles slightly and says.. yeah that’s right.
Cheer up matey, we got a long day tomorrow.
You’re always so cheerful you bloody limey bastard.
You gotta learn something you old cow, Dave replies, you got to know the things you can control and the things you can’t. And the things you can’t? You can’t let those affect your mood. And in this world, most of the things, they way they’re arranged we can’t. What I can tell you is that a stunner just walked in. Hold my beer.

And Dave walks over to her.
Joe knows the pattern. Dave will bring her back to their table. They’ll talk, Joe will fiddle with his ring and then he’ll leave cause it’s a long day tomorrow.